Credits

To be completed.

Segments

To be completed.

Shotlist

To be completed. The script and shooting notes follow. -g
...

Shot of remote control. Flick few times. Show cuts of TV footage, then CO2 is life.

A - That was the most brillant thing I've ever seen.

B - When they made the images go from color to black and white, it chilled me to the bone.

A - Hey I got a joke for ya. How many Al Gore's does it take to change a light bulb?

B - How many?

A - 3! One to replace the incandecent bulb with a flourescent or LED replacement... and 2 more Al Gore's to film the documentary!

B - Hot damn! That is funny!

A - I know I... i feel kinda dizzy.

B - Light bulb jokes will to that too you some time.

A - No... bad dizzy [falls to floor].

B - Oh sweet Jesus... its your heart. Its going all pitter patter buddy!

A - Darkness... closing in... [sputter].

B - Buddy... fight it buddy! Fight it!

B starts hammering on A's chest.

A - I see... Carl Sagan [dies].

B - No!!!!!!!!!

When I first saw "An Inconvenient Truth", I was touched deeply by Al Gore's naivete. To bring science and facts to the global warming debate, is a bit like bringing a knife to a gunfight. Al, nice try. But the only way to fight stupid, is with more even more stupid. I'll take over now.

The fact is, CO2 is the leading cause of death, world wide. Whether you're a crack whore, dying from an overdose, an old man who's heart finally stops beating, or a grunt in the army getting shot in the middle east... your death comes when your brain stops recieving fresh oxygen, and is stuck with crappy old carbon dioxide.

And its on that stupid note, I provide a rebuttal to Competitive Enterprise Institute's commercial, CO2 IS LIFE. Which, by the way, you payed for at the gas pump.

Carbon Dioxide, also known as "CO2" and "The Silent Killer", is produced when we exhale. Our bodies convert oxygen, to carbon dioxide, as do all animals.

Studies on on mice, monkeys, and humans have shown one undisputed fact: direct correlation between exposure to pure Carbon Dioxide, and slow, agonizing death.

CO2 is colorless and odorless. Symptoms of exposure include dizyness, shortness of breath, inability to focus mentally, and death. Carbon Dioxide can strike at any moment, and kills people of all age, races and political persuasion.

When Ann Coulter finally dies... we'll all have Carbon Dioxide to thank. But our gratitude will be short-lived. As carbon dioxide won't stop there. Its killing spree will continue unabated, until it gets every last one of us! Damn you carbon dioxide, you are a harsh mistress.

"Why don't we just exterminate all animals and humans?"

If only it were that easy. CO2 is also produced by burning fossil fuels... for example in an internal combustion engine... in your car. The engine. Its an internal combustion engine.

"Why don't we just exterminate all cars?"

If only it were that easy. Cars take us from point A to point B. Cars have stereo systems we can listen to music on while we drive. If it weren't for cars, there would be no way to signal with blinkers when we change lanes.

"Can we make cars that produce less Carbon Dioxide?"

If only it were that easy. When the state of California passed a law capping automobile CO2 emissions, the Bush administration responded in March 2006, by enacting lower federal standerds, which they claimed pre-empted the tighter Californian standards. It is self evident that George W. Bush knows something about the dangers of fuel effeciency that he's not telling us.

The fact is, Carbon Dioxide is here to stay. You produce it every time you press down on the gas pedal. You produce it every time you exhale. Energy effeciency, like using LED light bulbs, or hybrid cars may SOUND like a simple solution. But sometimes the simplest solutions... are in fact the stupidest [inhale and hold breath during credits].

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References...

Fuel Economy for New Cars Is at Lowest Level Since '80 -- New York Times, May 17: The overall fuel economy of new cars and trucks sold in America, after improving slightly a year ago, has dropped back to the lowest levels since 1980, a new government report indicates.The Transportation Department report estimates that the average fuel economy of all cars and light trucks sold in 2001 will be 24.5 miles a gallon, the same as in 1999 and slightly below the 24.7 miles a gallon in 2000. The peak was 26.2 miles a gallon in 1987, before automakers began selling large numbers of gas-guzzling sport utility vehicles.
http://www.nytimes.com/2001/05/18/politics/18FUEL.html

US drivers want better mileage when they fill up -- Christian Science Monitor, June 21, 2001: By a nearly 5-to-1 margin, Americans surveyed say they would favor a new law that would force car manufacturers to increase auto and truck fuel mileage.
http://www.csmonitor.com/durable/2001/06/21/p2s1.htm

Federal Rules Come Under Fire:
http://www.climateark.org/articles/reader.asp?linkid=54595